After nine years (!) in South Korea you'd think I'd have developed a thicker skin against the absolute gonzo-cheese-ball manner in which they run academic ceremonies. While I've actually participated in some slightly lower key academic conferences (still fucking bizarro-land compared to American colleges), an academic award ceremony is truly a sight to behold.
To set the stage -- my college received an award from the Korean government for academic excellence. (Long story short: as a technical health college we produce a lot of majors the country is in dire need of as the
low birth-rate demographics are tumbling off a cliff.) This afternoon we had the final ceremony involving our president and a bunch of other ones from colleges around the country. My boss insisted I attend.
For starters, when you show up at the auditorium two women dressed in high heels, mini-skirts, and little 1960's era stewardess hats shout "Welcome!" more at you than to you. (The "Orange Ladies" as I call them are routinely brought in for any campus event involving outsiders.) I can't imagine being an actual female academic at one of these events and having to walk through a gauntlet of this unintentional but obvious misogyny buy hey, Korea.
The first hour of the ceremony was notable for the playing of Sousa-like marches between each speaker, and a mini-light show as well. The music was truly deafening, and I can only guess it was to make sure nobody fell asleep. Maybe I'm just a cynical creep by nature, but stuff like this is just so middle-school musical in nature and cringe-worthy for someone who went to an American college where award ceremonies didn't involve 12 speakers and two different A.V. techs.
So basically there was a string of speeches and then the award ceremony proper. There were three "waves" as far as I could tell -- the first group of people got flowers (okay, I admit flowers are always nice), the second group got more gift bags, and the third got these honking brass plaques (동판). For every stage there were multiple pauses so photographers and video folks from each university involved could get their footage, so what should have taken 10 minutes took 30.
And then, right in the middle of the brass-plaque ceremony, the Sousa marches swelled and then were replaced by, I swear to the FSM, the Star Wars rebel victory march.
All five minutes of it.
Basically,
I'm not even mad that's amazing.