Even Dwarfs Started Small (1970)
Even 50 years ago casting an all-dwarf cast must have raised some eyebrows. And believe me, this is not a film exploring the dignity of the lives of little people. It's an obscene farce -- something to do with a jail-break from an institution where the former director is now held prisoner himself. A statement about authoritarianism then? Well, sure, but one that also involves cannibal chickens, a bloated dead sow, and a monkey crucifixion and procession. Ends with the grating, satanic laughter of one of the inmates cheering on a shitting camel. As mentioned, this is Herzog's scapegoat. It is impossible to believe he made this within a year of his humanist masterpieces Handicapped Future and Land of Silence and Darkness. Demonic excess. Casual animal cruelty. Pure obscenity. A drunken food fight for good measure.
Queen of the Desert (2015)
A perfect example of just how bad later Herzog feature films can be. How do we waste the genuine talents of Nicole Kidman, Robert Pattinson, and Damian Lewis? By making a borderline parody of a Merchant-Ivory film. Some beautiful shots and nice costumes though.
The Wild Blue Yonder (2005)
Not the only picture where the background story is more interesting than the final product. Herzog's only foray into sci-fi, he mixes in stock footage of underwater exploration and shots from an actual Space Shuttle mission to tell the story of an alien who comes to Earth with a warning. And this was actually the original plot to an earlier documentary, Fata Morgana (1971). It didn't work there. It doesn't work here. Any space nerd knows the shuttle isn't capable of getting out of low earth orbit, duh. Shots of Slab City are always interesting though.
My Son, My Son, What Have Ye Done (2009)
With any other director, Michael Shannon is a pretty good actor. With Herzog, he seems to have just swallowed a handful of quaaludes. Another colossal waste of talent (Willem Dafoe, Chloe Sevigny) this isn't even a murder mystery -- we know who did it from the start. A very bad joke involving flamingos is the climax. Produced by David Lynch, just because.
Salt and Fire (2016)
More bad Michael Shannon. Something about a volcano that threatens the entire world, but also environmental degradation that led to his two children being blinded. Scientists run around doing science things. Terrorists do the same. I am not ashamed to say I have no fucking clue what the actual plot of this one was beyond the above. Painful and soporific at the same time.
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